Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
