You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
