How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
