For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Damn victory sex feels great
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
