All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
