i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
