He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We are all done wearing pants today
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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