Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
