in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
