Me. At least after what I've been through.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
