Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
