I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
