Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
The air taste purple.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
