he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
