I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
