i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
