God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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