soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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