yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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