You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
