you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So much Jack, so little girl.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
