Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I use my feet as sexual weapons
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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