I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
