Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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