Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
