Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I AM VODKA MAN
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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