first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
