Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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