i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
