bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
