2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
