he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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