I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
ugly people sure do ruin things
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
