Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
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