today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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