omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
