you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
