you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
