I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
