I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
