I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
