i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
