my mouth tastes like poor choices
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
