First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
