I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I deserve this hangover.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
