why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
