so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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