peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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