I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
