Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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