I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
