Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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