test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
