I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
