we're making bets on your personal life
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
