What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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