I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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