ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
