Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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