new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
